Thursday, August 15, 2013

Project...

I'm working on something. It's not a pinterest craft, sewing project, or a new toy organization system (although I really should get on that).  I am working on becoming the wife that I feel God wants me to be.  I spend a lot of time with my children.  They quite literally are my life.  They wake me up to start the day, and fall asleep cuddled close in my arms during the night.  I've been there for every new word, first step, boo-boo, and refrigerator worthy art.  They are the air I breathe.

But something has felt off lately.  I remember as a young woman my mom always talking to me about becoming a mom.  It was stressed that one should be ready for the sacrifices that come along with such responsibility, it's not to be taken lightly, and your life will no longer be your "own".  Yes, it was part of "the talk", but it stuck.  I do believe in all of those things.  That someone who is old enough to enter into parenthood should also be mature enough to accept responsibility.

So I've worked on being a good perfect parent, if there is such a thing.  I put every single bit of myself into my kids.  I'm not saying it's worth it because it totally is.  Nor am I saying I regret it.  They are the hardest and most rewarding job/work I have every been blessed with.  But somewhere on the trip from newlyweds to parenthood my husband and I lost a bit of our relationship.

Let me first say that I love my husband deeply, and he does me as well.  And no we aren't going through some horrible rough patch.  It's just a realization I think I came to.  I guess I owe that eye opener to the following blog... Butler Party of 2 .

This post hit me hard, like slap in the face hard. I love being a wife and a mom, but I am shameful to admit that it doesn't always feel like "enough".  As if something more, better should define me.  What's better or more than raising kids, creating a home, and living a life in love!? I don't know, but that selfish side of me can grab hold.  This blog post reminded me that I'm not just in this marriage for me, my husband, or my kids, more importantly I am in it for God.  He created Josh and I for one another, and was generous enough to let us borrow two of His precious babies.

So I am working on it.  I am working on joyfully doing dishes, and folding underwear.  Rejoicing in the few quiet moments my husband and I can get alone, and realizing that while sweeping the floor and scrubbing toilets often goes without thanks or recognition, God sees my work, my effort and my heart ALL of the time.  And the blessings he gives me are more than I deserve for doing a few chores a day.






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