Thursday, January 29, 2015

It won't get any better.

The church service before Christmas I took Lena Belle to Sunday school.  I grew up in a small old time church.  Sunday school is at 10, church is at 11.  There is no nursery, and no "entertaining" or pacifying the kids.  You're at church, together.

I walked into my little church in the middle of the Sunday School prayer.  I stood quietly in the doorway with my oversized plate of cookies, while Lena skipped to her seat.  My heart was already so full, so blessed, so happy.  Praying on the way there I came to this realization that we have been promised Heaven.  I mean, WOW!!  HEAVEN!!  Seriously, it absolutely just can not, will not get any better than that promise.  Any other blessing here on earth is just extra.

I found myself watching the men bowed on the floor, with tear stained faces.   I thought, people don't pray like this anymore.  We don't see a lot of people humble themselves before the Lord.  Crying out for forgiveness, for His love.  Christians today go through these motions.   There is this image of what it is supposed to look like to be a Christian today.  In the modern world you wear Toms, read the bible on your iphone app, and listen to heavy metal Christian music that sounds more like something you scream at your teenager to turn down, then that of worship.

I know, I know, worship comes in all forms.  But what has happened to the heart of the Christian.  I see a lot of social media Jesus shout outs today, people quoting Bible verses online who rarely, if ever truly open up their bible.  It's easy to say you are a Christian, but so much harder to actually walk in the Faith.

I say this from a place of love, and complete humility and understanding.  I have always considered myself a Christian woman, even in times when I was not even close to leading the example of the life I should be working on living.  It was that Sunday morning, during that prayer, watching those men, and catching the smile of my four year old that my heart changed a little.

I know what salvation feels like.  It's electrifying, undeniable, it makes you feel as though you are floating on air.  And when you find salvation, feel the Holy Spirit enter in, you won't forget it.  It's magnificently humbling.  I remember my husband and I once talking about how going to our church always seemed so sad.  For the most part we are right.  There's beautiful rejoicing, but the congregation knows exactly what it means to bow before God.  Nothing I have ever done in my life, or will ever do in my life will be enough to repay Him the sacrifice made or say thank you.  This gift, this promise, Heaven....well I am so unworthy.  Yet He would disagree.  Offers it to me with love, grace, understanding, and forgiveness.  

Yes, my heart changed a little that day.  My knees buckled, and I believe I might have cried the entire service.  I hugged everyone and told them all how much I love them.  I missed my Grandmother and Grandfather and pictured that reunion we will one day have.  I held Lena a little tighter after she came out of her lesson that morning.  I forgave, I loved, I prayed, and I decided that day to start living the type of life I wanted for me, for my family.  A life that will never truly be worthy of the promise, but one that is sure going to try it's hardest to be.

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